Why Mentally Tough Kids Make Better Decisions Under Pressure

In Episodes 302 and 303 of the Demystifying Mental Toughness Podcast, Doug Strycharczyk (AQR International) when discussing decision making explains something that every youth coach should understand:

Children don’t choose how they respond under pressure their brains default to it.

Mental toughness isn’t about being “strong” or “weak”.  It’s about understanding how a child’s mind reacts when it matters and coaching them accordingly.

The Four Cs — Made Simple For Youth Sport and What It Means For Kids

For 12–16-year-olds, these are not fixed traits. They are developing systems.

1. Control: Why Some Kids Freeze and Others Thrive

Doug explains that Control has two parts:

• Life Control – “Do I feel capable?”
• Emotional Control – “Can I handle how this feels?”

In sport, these show up as:

But here’s the important bit:

Low control is NOT a flaw, it’s very normal when you’re young and making sense of yourself and the world around you. It’s also often a protection system.

A cautious 12-year-old defender who doesn’t step out of line might actually be protecting themselves from emotional overload.

What coaches should do

Instead of shouting “Be confident!”, try:

• “What’s one small thing you can do here?”
• “Let’s just get the first touch right.”
• “You don’t need to solve everything just this.”

You’re lowering emotional risk, not lowering standards.

Emotional Control: Why Routines Matter

Doug uses Johnny Wilkinson and Ronaldo as examples not because they’re famous, but because they use routines to stay emotionally stable .

For 12–16-year-olds:

• That might be bouncing the ball
• Taking a breath
• Looking at the floor
• Pulling their socks up

These aren’t quirks. They are nervous-system stabilisers.

Coaching tip

Instead of stopping routines, teach them:

“That’s your reset. Use it.”

2. Commitment: Why Some Kids Drift

Commitment is made up of:

• Goal Orientation – Do I know what I’m trying to do?
• Achievement Orientation – Do I feel motivated to try?

Doug explains that some kids simply have smaller emotional fuel tanks.

That means:

• They tire sooner
• They disengage quicker
• Big tasks overwhelm them

What this means in training

One child can do 5 drills.
Another can do 2.

Both are giving 100% of their capacity.

Smart coaches don’t punish that they pace it.

3. Confidence: Why Self-Belief Has Two Parts

Doug explains confidence has two sides:

Many kids only develop the first.

But elite performers have both.

This matters in teams:

• High interpersonal confidence = sharing ideas
• Low interpersonal confidence = silent groupthink

This is why some kids never speak up, even when they know the answer.

Coaching solution

Build psychological safety:

• Ask players what they see
• Let everyone speak once
• Remove ego from decisions

4. Challenge: Risk vs Learning

Doug makes a crucial distinction:

Some kids take risks but don’t reflect. Some reflect but never try.

The best performers do both.

Youth coaching goal

Create environments where:

• Mistakes are allowed
• Reflection is expected
• Learning is celebrated

Why This Changes Everything for Youth Coaches

Doug’s biggest message is this:

Mental toughness is not something to “fix”. It is something to understand.

Every child:

• Has a different mental profile
• Responds differently to pressure
• Needs a different coaching approach

That’s why one-size-fits-all coaching fails.

Practical Coaching Checklist (12–16s)

✔ Give small challenges
✔ Teach emotional resets
✔ Praise effort over outcome
✔ Encourage speaking up
✔ Normalise mistakes
✔ Build self-awareness

This aligns beautifully with many of our existing resources on https://www.sport-excellence.co.uk/ around confidence, pressure and youth development.

Final Thoughts

The best youth coaches don’t create tough kids.

They create kids who understand themselves.

And that is the foundation of lifelong performance.

You may wish to listen to:

>> Why You Think the Way You Do Under Pressure and Why You React the Way You Do Under Pressure