Conversations with Kids: A Parents Guide When Fear Takes Over: How to Help Your Child Handle Pressure in Sport
For parents and guardians where we give you prompts so that you can have more meaningful conversations with your children to help them build key characteristics such as mental toughness, resilience, confidence, creativity, focus and so on.
A Question for your Kids
When you step onto the court or go out to bat and suddenly your hands or legs feel heavy, what do you think is stopping you: is it the ball… or the story running in your head?
As a parent, one of the most powerful things you can do is encourage your child to recognise that sometimes it’s not their skill, it’s their brain. When fear kicks in, the amygdala is the key structure that springs into action. It’s a small, almond-shaped part of the brain located deep in the limbic system, and it acts like your internal alarm system. The result is often overthinking and self-doubt.
Improves:
- Confidence
- Freedom
When children and young athletes learn how to quieten the inner critic, breathe through pressure, and reconnect with what feels natural, they begin to play freely. Confidence grows, and movement becomes instinctive.
Directions for Parents
- Normalise pressure. Let your child know it’s okay to feel nervous before a match even top players do. Pressure doesn’t mean something is wrong; it just means something matters.
- Praise effort, not just results. Celebrate when your child steps up for a tough shot or chooses to try again after a miss. Highlight courage, not only whether the shot went in or not.
- Encourage a simple pre-performance ritual. Something like a few deep breaths, a grounding cue (“feet steady, mind calm”) or a short visualisation can help your child reset before each play.
- Support their voice. If they feel hesitant or anxious, show them that it’s okay to talk. Ask what’s going through their mind, and help them reframe negative thoughts into calm, controllable ones.
Research shows that when parents offer support that is warm, encouraging, and low on pressure, children build stronger motivation, resilience, and enjoyment in sport over the long term.
>> Read: The role of parents in the motivation of young athletes: a systematic review – Gao et al…
Ideas for Kids
- Try a “reset routine” before every game: take three deep breaths, feel your feet on the floor, imagine the ball leaving your hands cleanly or the bat connecting solidly.
- Picture past times when you played freely when you felt strong, quick, confident. Imagine it again with sound, feel, movement.
- After each session or match, pick out one thing you did well not just a score or outcome, but a moment you felt ready, calm or connected.
- If you feel “stuck” or scared, say it out loud: it helps you name the feeling, and naming often reduces fear.
Helpful Resources
>> Listen: How To Create Better Decision Makers with Cognitive Training – Felix Lehmann
>> Read: Book Review – Book Review: Motor Preferences in Baseball – David Genest and Matthew Swope
Some Final Thoughts for Parents
Children often carry more pressure than performance demands. As parents, how we respond with calm, understanding, encouragement and patience can make all the difference between a sport they enjoy and one they fear.
By helping your child build simple mental tools to breathe, reset, visualise and reflect you’re not only helping them perform better. You’re helping them grow into a confident, resilient young person who trusts themselves, on and off the court, pitch or pool
If you would like to share your experiences as a sports parent or get insights regarding kids sport psychology, you may also wish to join David in The Sport Psychology Hub.
Best Wishes
David Charlton
Online Sports Psychologist for Kids who supports many youngsters and sports parents so that they have more fun and get the most from their talent across the globe from USA/Canada to Great Britain and Ireland to UAE, South Africa, Australia and New Zealand, using ONLINE Video Conferencing.
Managing Director – Inspiring Sporting Excellence
Host of Demystifying Mental Toughness Podcast
Founder of The Sports Psychology Hub
Author of Conversations for Kids
With over a 15 years experience supporting athletes, coaches, parents and teams to transfer their skills from training to competitive situations, under pressure.
Case Study: Helping a Young Netball Player Overcome Fear and Build Confidence When Shooting in Matches
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