Conversations with Kids: When Your Child is Trialling at an Elite Sports Academy
For parents and guardians where we give you prompts so that you can have more meaningful conversations with your children to help them build key characteristics such as mental toughness, resilience, confidence, creativity, focus and so on.
A Questions for Your Kids
When you're being watched and assessed at a trial, what helps you remember to just be yourself?
Directions for Parents
This is a great question because children who are trialling at elite sports academies are often under a level of psychological pressure they have never experienced before. Being watched, assessed and compared to others creates a unique kind of stress that many young athletes are simply not prepared for.
When children are in this situation, many will naturally focus on the outcome whether they are good enough, what the coaches think, or how they compare to others around them. Which is completely normal.
But if you can help your child reflect on their own identity and internal strengths, rather than the judgement of others, you begin to support:
- stronger self-belief under pressure
- healthier emotional regulation
- a more stable sense of who they are, regardless of the outcome
This doesn’t mean dismissing how big this moment feels.
It means helping your child stay connected to themselves and to their love of their sport throughout the process.
Improves
- Confidence Under Pressure
When children learn to anchor their confidence in who they are rather than in whether they are selected they perform more freely and consistently. Trials are environments where self-doubt can creep in quickly. Helping your child return to their strengths and their natural way of playing gives them something solid to hold on to when nerves take over.
- Emotional Resilience
Elite trials involve inevitable mistakes, comparisons and uncertainty. Children who have been helped to regulate their emotional responses rather than spiral after an error recover faster, refocus more effectively and maintain a better performance across the full trial period. This is a learnable skill, not an innate gift.
Further Directions for Parents
If your child becomes anxious, withdrawn or overly self-critical during a trial period:
- Stay calm and resist the urge to fix things immediately
- Ask about their enjoyment before you ask about their performance
- Acknowledge the pressure without amplifying it
- Focus on behaviours, effort and attitude rather than selection outcomes
Helpful follow-up questions when things are calm might include:
- “What did you do well today, even if it felt hard?”
- “What part of your game felt most like you?”
- “What would help you feel more like yourself next time?”
- “What is still completely in your control?”
These kinds of conversations help children understand that their value is not determined by whether they are selected and that they still have real influence over how they show up.
Ideas for Kids
Next time you feel nervous or start to doubt yourself during a trial, try this:
- Stop and take one slow, deep breath
- Remind yourself of one thing you are genuinely good at
- Ask yourself: What is my job right now?
- Choose one helpful action, such as:
- playing with energy and enthusiasm
- communicating clearly with those around you
- staying composed after a mistake
- focusing only on the next moment, not the whole trial
Afterwards, reflect:
- What felt good today?
- When did I feel most like myself?
- What helped me stay focused?
Small moments of self-awareness like this can make a big difference not just in trials, but throughout your sporting journey.
Helpful Resources
Some Final Thoughts for Parents
When your child is trialling at an elite academy, it is natural to feel the weight of the moment alongside them. But what they need most from you is not perfect advice it is your calm, unconditional presence.
By helping your child focus on who they are rather than whether they are selected, you are giving them something far more valuable than a place at an academy. You are teaching them that their identity is bigger than any single outcome and that their love of sport belongs to them, regardless of what any coach decides.
Over time, these conversations build the kind of inner confidence that serves children and young people not just in trials, but in high-pressure moments that follow in their lives. Which arguably matters a lot more than sport.
Frequently Asked Questions About Supporting Children Through Elite Sports Trials
How do you help a child stay confident during an elite sports trial?
Helping a child stay confident during a trial starts with separating their self-worth from the outcome of selection. Encourage them to focus on what they can control their effort, attitude, communication and enjoyment rather than on what the coaches are thinking. Simple pre-trial routines, breathing techniques and process-focused self-talk can all help a child feel grounded and perform more freely under pressure.
Why do children struggle emotionally during sports trials?
Elite trials place young athletes in a situation where they feel simultaneously highly visible and deeply vulnerable. Being assessed, compared and judged by adults they want to impress activates strong emotional responses including fear of failure, identity threat and self-doubt. These are entirely normal reactions, but without support, they can interfere with performance and damage a child’s relationship with their sport, regardless of the outcome.
How can parents support a child after an unsuccessful trial?
If your child is not selected following a trial, the most important thing you can do is listen before you advise. Acknowledge how hard it is without minimising or catastrophising. Help them separate the decision from their worth as a person and as an athlete. In time, gently help them reconnect with what they love about their sport and explore what comes next whether that is continuing to develop, seeking opportunities elsewhere, or simply enjoying their sport without the pressure of selection.
If you would like to share your experiences as a sports parent or get insights regarding kids sport psychology, you may also wish to join David in The Sport Psychology Hub.
Best Wishes
David Charlton
Online Sports Psychologist for Kids who supports many youngsters and sports parents so that they have more fun and get the most from their talent across the globe from USA/Canada to Great Britain and Ireland to UAE, South Africa, Australia and New Zealand, using ONLINE Video Conferencing.
Managing Director – Inspiring Sporting Excellence
Host of Demystifying Mental Toughness Podcast
Founder of The Sports Psychology Hub
Author of Conversations for Kids
With over a 15 years experience supporting athletes, coaches, parents and teams to transfer their skills from training to competitive situations, under pressure.
