How to Stop Being Too Hard on Yourself in Tennis

5 Common Judgements Young Tennis Players Make (And Their Parents Too!)

If you watch your child play, or if you’ve ever stood courtside wincing at a double fault, you’ll probably recognise at least one of these:

1. Judging other players “Did you see what Ella did in the second set? She tried to go down the line on match point and put it straight into the net. What was she thinking? She never learns.”
2. Judging themselves “I can’t believe I missed that! It was right there. A straightforward forehand. I’m absolutely rubbish at this.”
3. Judging a situation “Not this end again last week the sun was right in my eyes serving from here. It’s such an unfair advantage for the other player.”
4. Judging future situations “I always start matches really slowly. I need to make sure I don’t drop serve in the first game next weekend at the county tournament, I always mess it up.”
5. Judging their technique The tennis stroke takes a real battering from young players, often completely unfairly. After hitting a forehand into the net: “My swing is terrible. I dropped my elbow again. I need to go back to the practicing and completely fix it before my next match.”

These are entirely natural, very human responses. Our brains are wired to analyse, compare and evaluate. But when your child follows these judgements up with harsh self-critical labelsrubbish, stupid, hopeless, a loser it can be genuinely damaging. Not just to their performance on the day, but to their long-term relationship with the game and their mental wellbeing.

How to Stop Being Too Hard on Yourself in Tennis: What the Science Tells Us

So how do we actually help young tennis players stop forming the judgements that get in the way of great tennis?

One surprisingly powerful answer comes from meditation and before you scroll past, hear us out! This isn’t about sitting cross-legged on the baseline. It’s about training the mind to observe thoughts without being dragged around by them.

When you begin a meditation practice, the core starting point is this: your mind is fundamentally healthy and balanced. It has strength. It is flexible. It can be kind, empathetic and caring. The same is true for your child on the tennis court.

Anyone who has tried meditation knows what happens when you’re new to it, your mind wanders constantly. And what’s the first thing most people do? They judge themselves for it. “I’m hopeless at this. I can’t even sit still for five minutes.” Does this sound familiar?

But experienced meditators do something different. They learn to notice those thoughts and then let them pass. They understand that no thought is permanent. Thoughts come and go like clouds drifting across the sky some big and dark, some light and wispy. None of them stay forever.

That is an incredibly powerful skill for a young tennis player.

Applying a Non-Judgmental Mindset on the Tennis Court

Imagine this scenario: your child is serving for the match. They’ve just double faulted on the previous point. Tension is rising. The mental chatter kicks in:

“Don’t do what you just did.” “Just get it in.” “I always fall apart when it matters.” “I’m so bad under pressure.”

This is judgement in full flow and it’s making everything harder.

Now imagine your child has practised a non-judgmental approach. Instead of arriving at that service line with a head full of criticism and fear, they arrive with a clear, open mind. No verdict on whether they’re a good or bad server under pressure. No replay of the last double fault. Just presence, readiness and a healthy mindset that’s open to whatever comes next.

This is how to stop being too hard on yourself in tennis and it starts with training the mind, not just the body.

By approaching each point believing that their mind is normal, healthy and ready, young players are far less likely to spiral into negativity. They’re less likely to let one missed shot snowball into a lost set. They’re less likely to tighten up on big points because they’ve pre-judged themselves as someone who “chokes.”

Focus on NOW: The Most Important Word in Junior Tennis

Here’s a grounding truth: right now, as you read this, your child cannot play the next point of their next match. They can only play the next shot in front of them.

Whether your child is 4-0 up or 0-4 down in the first set, the healthy approach is the same take it for exactly what it is. A single moment in time. An opportunity to trust their body and their training.

Think about the way a young bird prepares to fly for the very first time. Genetically, instinctively, it is built to do this. Your child’s body and muscle memory has been built for tennis, rally after rally, hour after hour of practice. The brain that second-guesses all of that training isn’t helping. It’s just getting in the way.

Helping your child focus on now, not the last error, not the next game, not what their opponent is doing is one of the greatest mental gifts you can give them.

The Two Worlds That Shape How Your Child Feels on Court

Mindfulness teachers have long understood that our minds operate in two basic modes when receiving experience:

1. The External World This is everything around your child during a match the sounds, the sights, the feel of the strings, the noise of the crowd. Their senses are constantly absorbing information from their environment.
2. The Internal World This is your child’s interpretation of what’s happening and this is where the real game is played. The internal world is mental consciousness: the story we tell ourselves about what’s happening around us.

Here’s why this matters on a tennis court.

Imagine your child is playing against a very confident, vocal opponent who makes a point of celebrating every winner loudly and dramatically. That external behaviour gets absorbed. How your child responds internally whether they feel rattled, whether they feel inspired, or whether they remain completely neutral depends entirely on the mental flexibility they’ve developed.

A mind trained to be non-judgmental has choices. It can feel empathy for the other player. It can smile to itself and stay focused. It can simply let it pass, like a cloud across the sky.

On the flip side, imagine your child is playing the match of their life hitting winners they didn’t know they had, serving at a level above anything they’ve done before. So absorbed in the moment that they’re not even keeping track of the score. That is a flow state. That is what happens when the internal critical voice is quiet and the body is trusted to do what it’s been trained to do.

The external environment had very little to do with how they felt. It was the thoughts or the beautiful absence of them that made the difference.

Why Mindfulness and Meditation Can Transform Your Child’s Tennis

Almost every young tennis player faces this challenge: walking between points, between games, between sets wondering if they’re good enough, worried about what’s coming next, replaying what just went wrong.

Yet we’ve all seen the opposite too. The times your child has hit shot after shot in practice without a second thought, and they’ve flown in perfectly. The casual shot played in a warm-up that went exactly where intended, precisely because the mind wasn’t getting involved in the outcome.

Mindfulness and meditation can help bridge the gap between that relaxed, free-flowing practice version of your child and the tight, self-critical match version. It trains the brain to observe without judging, to feel without labelling, and to stay present without predicting.

Here are some of the proven benefits for young tennis players:

• Improved focus during long rallies and pressure moments
• Better ability to stay in the present point, rather than the last one or the next one
• Reduced negative emotions like frustration, anger and self-doubt
• Greater creativity — the ability to try a drop shot or go for a winner without fear of failure
• Increased patience and tolerance — particularly on tough days or against difficult opponents
• Wider perspective — the ability to see a bad game as one game, not a sign of permanent failure
• Better pressure management — serving for the match, or saving a match point, with a clear head

If you’d like to explore how mindfulness can be woven into your child’s tennis development and daily routine, please do get in touch it’s an area we feel passionately about and find genuinely fascinating.