How to Talk to Teenage Athletes: A Conversations With Kids Guide

Improves:

• Confidence

Helping teens talk about what’s hard strengthens belief in themselves, not just their physical skills, but their inner strength.

• Emotional Awareness

Naming feelings gives your child emotional clarity.  When a teen feels seen, their ability to regulate stress and pressure improves.  When children and young athletes learn how to quieten the inner critic, breathe through pressure, and reconnect with what feels natural, they begin to play freely. Confidence grows, and movement becomes instinctive.

Further Directions for Parents

Too often we jump straight to “solutions” especially when we see our child struggling.  But solutions before understanding can make teens shut down.

Instead:

• Acknowledge feelings first. Say something like: “That sounds really frustrating, I can see how much you care.”
• Resist lecturing or fixing right away. Teen brains are wired for autonomy. When adults immediately tell them what to do, teens often tune out.
• Ask open questions. Instead of “Why didn’t you try harder?” try: “What was going through your head at that moment?” These approaches don’t minimise challenges, they make your teen more likely to talk, learn, and grow from them.

Ideas for Kids

Here are two ways your teen can practise better self-talk and emotional insight, skills that build resilience just as much as physical training does:

• Emotional Journalling – After training or competing, write 3 sentences about what was hard and one thing you learned.
• Reflective Pause – Before reacting to a mistake, take 5 slow breaths and ask: “What am I feeling right now?”

These simple habits build emotional muscle over time.

Helpful Resources

Here are two parent-friendly tools that support the conversations above:

>> Read: Book Review – How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk – Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

>> Read: Conversations With Kids – Helping Young Athletes Thrive Under Pressure

Some Final Thoughts for Parents

Supporting a teenager isn’t about having the perfect words, it’s about being present, curious, and willing to listen without judgement.  Your child doesn’t need you to fix every problem or analyse every performance; they need to feel understood, valued, and safe to express what’s going on beneath the surface.  When communication feels calm and respectful, confidence grows, emotions settle more quickly, and learning happens naturally.  Over time, these conversations don’t just support better sporting experiences, they help your child develop life skills that will serve them well far beyond the pitch, court, or track.

If you would like to share your experiences as a sports parent or get insights regarding kids sport psychology, you may also wish to join David in The Sport Psychology Hub.

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