How to Support Your Highly Sensitive Sporting Child Lessons from Aoife Durcan’s Book

She explains that roughly 15–20% of children are highly sensitive. These children process information and emotion more deeply, notice subtle cues others miss, and often show remarkable empathy and awareness.

In sport, that might look like:

• Picking up on a coach’s frustration
• Feeling anxious in loud, competitive environments
• Caring deeply about teammates’ reactions
• Thinking about a mistake long after the game ends

Sensitivity = Depth, Not Weakness

Aoife makes a crucial point: sensitivity isn’t fragility, it’s simply intensity.

Sensitive children experience the world vividly. Without understanding and guidance, that intensity can turn inward, creating anxiety or self-criticism.  But with support, it becomes a foundation for focus, empathy, and strong self-awareness the same qualities elite athletes often rely on.

>> 9 Tips for Children from Olympians

How Sensitivity Shows Up in Sport

Her descriptions align closely with what we see in sport psychology work. Sensitive children who play sport often:

• Feel emotions deeply crying after losses or mistakes.
• Overthink performances or worry about letting others down.
• Struggle with pressure when they sense expectations.
• Notice everything changes in tone, noise, or teammates’ moods.
• Show strong empathy and are often team players who care deeply.

Recognising these traits allows parents to move from frustration (“Why can’t they toughen up?”) to understanding (“What’s their sensitivity trying to tell me?”).

Parental Support: From Pressure to Partnership

One of Aoife’s main lessons is that sensitive children thrive when parents move from pressure to partnership.

In sport, many parents and coaches worry that being too understanding will make their child “soft.” The opposite is true. Emotional validation builds self-regulation and confidence.

Here’s how Aoife’s principles translate to sport:

1. Validate, Don’t Dismiss

If your child feels upset after losing:

“I can see that really hurt you care so much about doing well.”

This recognition soothes their nervous system, helping them process disappointment constructively.

2. Teach Emotional Language

Encourage your child to name emotions such as frustration, nervousness or excitement.

Naming feelings makes them manageable. It’s a mental skill that supports emotional control in pressure moments.

>> Helping Young Athletes Manage Emotions

3. Encourage Recovery, Not Rumination

Sensitive children or teenagers tend to replay mistakes.

Teach short reset routines deep breaths, 3 second time-outs, or repeating a cue like next play.

This develops mental recovery skills essential for performance consistency.

4. Create Calm Before Competition

Routine creates security. Establish a consistent pre-game structure quiet time, favourite music, phone or Ipad time (yeah that’s right!) or a light warm-up to prevent overstimulation before matches.

5. Redefine Mental Toughness

Aoife’s approach supports a more modern definition:

Mental toughness isn’t about ignoring emotion, it’s about managing it well.

Highly sensitive children can be incredibly resilient when their feelings are channelled into focus and learning.

>> How to Develop Mental Toughness in Young Athletes

Coaches and the Sporting Environment

She urges adults to consider the child’s surroundings.

In sport, that means understanding how coaching styles impact sensitive athletes. Loud, critical, or unpredictable coaching can easily overwhelm them.

What Parents Can Do

• Speak with coaches privately about your child’s needs.
• Encourage feedback delivered calmly or one-on-one.
• Choose environments that value well-being and learning as much as winning.

A well-supported sensitive child may not be the loudest or most confident on the team, but often they are the most thoughtful, focused, and self-motivated when given space to thrive.

From Sensitivity to Strength

Her key message is empowering: sensitivity, when nurtured, becomes a form of quiet strength.

These children grow into adults who are emotionally intelligent, self-aware, and compassionate exactly the type of athletes who lead with integrity.

In my work with young athletes, I’ve seen sensitivity evolve into resilience.

When children learn to view their emotions as information rather than weakness, they become mentally stronger and more self-directed.

Emotions as Performance Tools

• Fear → shows the challenge matters
• Frustration → signals motivation to improve
• Sadness → reflects deep passion for the sport

Helping your child understand these signals builds true mental toughness the ability to feel deeply and still move forward positively.

Practical Takeaways for Parents

To bring Aoife’s ideas into everyday sport life:

1. Notice triggers when and where your child feels overwhelmed.
2. Regulate yourself first your calm presence helps them remain calm.
3. Model recovery after mistakes, show composure and perspective.
4. Build emotional routines  breathing, journaling, reflection after games.
5. Celebrate sensitivity it’s awareness, empathy, and insight and most definitely not a weakness.

Conclusion

Aoife Durcan’s Your Highly Sensitive Child is a must-read for parents of young athletes who feel things deeply.  It reminds us that emotions in sport and life aren’t the enemy they’re a vital part of learning, motivation, and growth.

When parents embrace sensitivity as a strength, they help their children develop the emotional tools to perform with freedom, confidence, and resilience.

The message is simple yet transformative: Sensitivity and mental toughness aren’t opposites they’re partners in helping your child go on to thrive.

>>Your Highly Sensitive Child By De Aoife Durcan